I haven’t written in a while again because I knew what I wanted to write, but had such mixed feelings about it; today I will let loose and hopefully it will make sense!
As a mom I have always felt the need to always “keep it together” and not break down, not crack under pressure or show fear in scary situations. I am so sure that all of you moms out there know what I am talking about! Some of you that know me very well, know that I get very afraid of a lot things and I am not as strong as one might think! Well, I am about to “let the cat out of the bag”. I am having surgery in May and I am scared to death. I have had a couple of major surgeries and have never been as afraid as I am for this one. I am talking the kind of fear where you make your living will and pray that your family knows what they mean to you…THAT kind of fear. I cannot even begin to explain it. I feel like I am supposed to take care of everyone and I am scared to death that I cannot do “my job”. I have literally had thoughts like, “What would happen to Felicity’s schooling?”, “How would Dale manage to work and care for Felicity?” and so on. Yes, I know that God has it all under control and that I shouldn’t fear; bottom line though, I am human and it is natural to fear. Believe me, I have quoted every scripture I can think of in hopes of it calming my spirit, I have tried to think about how healthy I will be again once this is all over and my kidney actually works, and I have played out in my head all the positives about this procedure; yet, I am still afraid. Bottom line…I am more scared about this than I have been about anything in my entire life, I don’t know why, but I do know that I don’t like it.
Why am I telling you all of this?! Well, a couple of reasons: 1) I really need your prayers! 2) To let you know that if you are facing something that has you afraid…it is normal and you are not alone!
The Word says “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” How can I not take comfort in that?! God says, “NEVER”, that means He will ALWAYS be there to comfort us when we are scared beyond words. It means that He is holding us in the palm of His hands…the same hands that are big enough to hold the world, let alone the same hands that formed the very world we live in! Does that mean I am any less afraid?! Absolutely not! I am still afraid and I believe God knows that; that is why He places scripture on my heart and friends to talk to when I need it most!
Since we just finished with Easter, this all kind of made me think about Jesus on the cross. God’s Son was sent to Earth for the purpose of dying on a cross…I can only imagine that Jesus was scared. It even says in the Word that He was so upset that He sweat blood…THAT is pretty scared! Thinking of this helps me to know that I am in good company! Jesus was probably very afraid of what was about to happen, just like I am very afraid. What strikes me about this though is that He knew that He would die and that He would be in paradise with His Father. I believe, with every ounce of who I am, that I will be ok and will come through this surgery better than ever, but let’s suppose for one second that I didn’t. What do I really have to fear? I will be in paradise with my Father! As I am writing this, something else just hit me…hold on because this is powerful…..God already has a plan for Felicity and for Dale! He already has what will happen in their future very carefully orchestrated. This plan will happen whether I am here or not; it isn’t my plan…it’s GOD’S! I do not have to be on this Earth for God’s plan to unfold…it will happen with or without me! Just like the plan for my life would unfold with or without the people in my life. Just like God’s plan for salvation unfolded through Jesus, with or without the people in Jesus’ life! God doesn’t NEED me in order to fulfill the plans and purposes for Felicity or Dale; He chooses to use me in the plans a purposes!
Wow, as I write this I have learned something and take something away that is so different than what I set out when I started. This is definately taking a different turn and I believe that this is not just for me, but for someone out there that will read this; so please bear with me as I go on a different path for a minute! I just love how God works! God doesn’t NEED any of us to fulfill HIS plans and purposes in this world…He CHOOSES to use us to fulfill His plans and purposes!
Basically, I believe that I will be ok through my surgery and I will be healthy and whole once again! AND, Felicity and Dale will continue to fulfill what God intends for them whether I am down for a few days or not! God will continue to use their lives whether I am down for a few days or not! And it is ok if I am afraid; God created me so He isn’t surprised that I am having these human feelings of fear!
WOW…what a powerful revelation! God chooses you and me to fulfill His plans and purposes; He doesn’t NEED us…He CHOOSES us!
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you, plans to bring you a hope and a future.” That scripture says it all, “the plans I HAVE for you”. Not the plans we have for ourselves…the plans HE has! I know that what I was set on this Earth to accomplish isn’t done…so what do I have to be afraid of? God chose ME to fulfill plans and purposes…He didn’t NEED me, He CHOSE me!
Lord, I am so afraid right now. Please give me a peace to move forward in the plans that You have set before me. I know that there is no obstacle set before me that I cannot face when You are orchestrating the plans and purposes! You are a good God and I believe that you will protect me and my family as I go through this next little test of my faith! I love you and thank you for CHOOSING me to be a part of the plans and purposes in this life! I pray for those that read this blog. I pray that whatever they are facing that has them afraid, that You would touch them and give them peace. I know that You have chosen them for Your plans and purposes and that You can use them whether they are afraid, down for a few days or perfectly fine! Thank you for choosing them to fulfill Your plans and purposes!
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