Felicity is off at camp…2 ½ hrs away! After we dropped her off I definitely had a major panic attack and just couldn’t shake horrible feelings. I couldn’t place my finger on any one thing that had left me so sad. This morning as I am sitting in my recliner and trying to shake these feelings, it dawned on me that I have been with Felicity constantly for nearly 7 years and she is now gone. I always knew I had to let her go sometime and told myself that I was ready, but man am I not ready. By the age of 14 most kids have gone out with their friends alone, had a lot of sleepovers, gone to camp and so much more. Our lives certainly haven’t been like normal families of 14 year olds, but I always prided myself on having the ability to let go…well, I guess not. I always told myself that I had the ability to let her go, but I have discovered this weekend that I don’t have the ability to let her go.
I think that this year Felicity had to go to camp…not for herself, but for me. I am having to learn that God has seen her through unspeakable health problems and has protected her over the last few years of terrifying things and He isn’t ever going to stop taking care of her. I know that we have taught her to stand strong in her faith and have watched her witness to other kids and even lead one to the Lord and I now have to trust that we have fully equipped her to do life with God by her side and her momma at home cheering her on! I don’t believe that it is ever easy to let a child go, but I have to trust that we have effectively equipped her and that God still has her back! Camp isn’t for her to learn and grow, though I know that she will; camp this year is for this momma to learn and grow! I am struggling to learn this and yet struggle to understand how I can so easily trust God to protect her life when she is on death’s door in the hospital, but have a hard time trusting Him to protect her at a simple camp. I can’t answer the questions to the lessons I am to learn and know that God is teaching me as much as He is teaching Felicity; what I do know for sure is this: at a camp just outside of Wagoner, Oklahoma, is an amazing 14 year old girl with her amazing best friend who is turning that camp upside down for God while learning things about herself! Although I am terrified about this phase of life, I do know that God is holding Felicity tight in His arms just like I have for so many years and He has her far more protected in His arms then I could EVER protect her in mine.
So, as I think about the memories Felicity is making with her dear friend, I am also excited about the things I will learn this week and the relationships that I can grow by being here building stronger relationships with the people around me and renew my relationship with God. Although, yesterday I couldn’t wait to pick her up from camp so that she was back with me; today, I can’t wait to pick her up at camp to hear the fabulous things she got to experience this week….just her, her bff, and God!
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