Just what we need....

I know that we all experience both good and bad things in our lives and sometimes you just need a friend to lean on.  How do you act and react when a friend is going through a difficult time and comes to you for a shoulder to cry on or a strong person to lean on?  What do you say to them?  For me, when a friend comes to me I want them to know and feel that I am there with unconditional love and support. 

You see, when a friend comes to me I believe that they want my support and don’t want me to preach to them.  I believe that they want my advice ONLY when they specifically ask for it.  I believe that they don’t want me to judge them for their decisions and that they mostly want me to shut up and listen and cheer them on.

So, why am I addressing this?  I have had friends who have gone through stuff, had my support and told me about people that said they would be there as support and all that happened was judgment.  In fact, I have been someone who just needed support without the judgment and preaching, but got everything I didn’t need.  I was amazed that the very people I thought would be judgmental were the most supportive and the ones I thought would be the most supportive were judgmental.  I don’t love those people any less than before, they just didn’t offer what I truly NEEDED.

I love each of my friends so very much!  I believe that sometimes we need to be reminded of these things, myself included for sure!  I just pray that we all remember these things when we are called upon to be the shoulder to cry on or the strong person to lean on! 

"I need air"

Was thinking this morning about a process I am going through right now.  I got a funny visual, but quickly realized that it wasn’t so much funny as it is the truth…a truth that, sadly, a lot of us don’t recognize until it may be too late. 

 The visual I got was of a small child with a favorite stuffed animal or their first pet (cat, dog, hamster, etc.).  A small child will carry that beloved little creature around and often around the neck with the creature’s little body just dangling.  When most adults see this image, they laugh and tend to have conversations about what they think that creature might be thinking to itself.  Well, that relationship between that little creature and the child can be compared to that of adult relationships.  Sometimes, as adults, we get great friends and get so excited about it that we hold on for dear life.  Then, when there seems the slightest possibility of that going away, we squeeze a little tighter and hold on even stronger.  In doing that, instead of holding on to that relationship we end up actually strangling the very ones we are trying desperately to hold on to.  Is it an intentional strangulation?!  Not at all; but it doesn’t make it any less real.  Reality is, when we feel someone slipping away, the best thing we can do is to talk out the issue and then back away (even just a step) so that we can let them up for air.  This isn’t an easy task, but if we truly want that beloved relationship to not die…we MUST let it up for air.  Yes, you can still say “hi” and even give a quick and cordial hug, but leave it at that!   Over time, you will each your breath and be able to move forward again; hopefully remembering to let each other come up for air every now and then! 

I know that I am learning this lesson and nearly at the cost of strangling those dearest to me.  Is it an easy process to come through it?!  No, but when the options are to strangle the one you love or let them up for air…ALWAYS go for letting them up for air!

Felicity's Story

Our story, Felicity’s story, started in 2004 when Felicity got what we thought was the flu.  After 3 days of being very ill we took her to the emergency room where the doctors discovered she had an intestinal infection. They immediately admitted her and she continued to get even sicker, her kidneys shut down and the infection destroyed her blood.  She was then transferred to Children’s Hospital where she immediately had surgery to insert a dialysis catheter into her abdomen.  After 24 hours of one type of dialysis that failed, she was taken back into surgery for another catheter to be inserted.  During both surgeries she had to have blood and platelet transfusions because her blood was destroyed.  Immediately following this second surgery she went into dialysis where she coded and had to be resuscitated; three days later her potassium got to levels of lethal injection and her heart stopped.  Doctors were at a loss and told us to bring in friends and family to say good bye to her.  The next day doctors decided to try plasma exchange; the number one risk with this was death, but at this point she would die anyway so we gave it a shot.  This treatment ended up saving her life.  After a month in the hospital, she was discharged, but she continued to get sick constantly.  She lost her hair and was very sick.  We kept taking her to the doctors telling them that something was wrong with our daughter and they needed to figure it out.  Her GI doctor got tired of me bringing her in and started telling me it was psychological and she needed counseling; needless to say, we fired him.  We had her tested for everything under the sun, including Cystic Fibrosis.  In January Felicity began to lose weight and her hair; she ended up losing over 30 pounds from January to August.   In March 2010 we were told that perhaps she had Lupus; I began to research the disease and changed her diet to an all-natural/whole foods diet in hopes of helping her.  Unfortunately, she kept getting sicker.  Felicity’s joints were getting worse and began to use a wheelchair to do everything that required her being on her feet for more than 10 minutes.  In August we took her to a Rheumatologist who took 2 hours with us discussing her case.  She told us that Felicity did not have Lupus; she had the symptoms, but didn’t follow the pattern.  The doctor believed that Felicity was so malnourished due to the Gluten that she was losing weight and hair and her body was using the muscle from around her joints as energy; she was actually on death’s door from malnourishment.  She really didn’t want to put Felicity through any further tests because she had already gone through so much.  This doctor then asked us if we had ever considered taking Gluten out her diet; we had no clue what Gluten was so obviously we hadn’t.  The doctor told us to take Felicity off of Gluten for 2 weeks; if we saw improvement then Felicity had Celiac Disease and if she didn’t then we were to go back to her office.  After 2 weeks, Felicity’s hair stopped falling out and she gained 2 pounds back.  Since totally eliminating Gluten from her diet, Felicity is back to a healthy weight and she has a full head of beautiful hair!  Her immune system has started to work again, the “accidents” she was having stopped, and she can walk for hours without the assistance of a wheelchair.  She is a completely different kid!  Her doctors were able to wean her off of her migraine medication and agree that Celiac is the correct diagnosis based on her incredible recovery since August.  The amazing thing through 9 years of health struggle is Felicity herself!  She rarely complains about any of this.  She knows she is going to be a Pediatrician Missionary in Africa.  She is not allowing Celiac to affect what she knows that she is called by God to do.  Her focus is to help everyone she.  And, in case I didn’t mention…she is only 16 years old.  Felicity is not just my daughter, but she is truly my hero!