Afraid...New Revelation!

I haven’t written in a while again because I knew what I wanted to write, but had such mixed feelings about it; today I will let loose and hopefully it will make sense!

As a mom I have always felt the need to always “keep it together” and not break down, not crack under pressure or show fear in scary situations.  I am so sure that all of you moms out there know what I am talking about!  Some of you that know me very well, know that I get very afraid of a lot things and I am not as strong as one might think!  Well, I am about to “let the cat out of the bag”.  I am having surgery in May and I am scared to death.  I have had a couple of major surgeries and have never been as afraid as I am for this one.  I am talking the kind of fear where you make your living will and pray that your family knows what they mean to you…THAT kind of fear.  I cannot even begin to explain it.  I feel like I am supposed to take care of everyone and I am scared to death that I cannot do “my job”.  I have literally had thoughts like, “What would happen to Felicity’s schooling?”, “How would Dale manage to work and care for Felicity?” and so on.  Yes, I know that God has it all under control and that I shouldn’t fear; bottom line though, I am human and it is natural to fear.  Believe me, I have quoted every scripture I can think of in hopes of it calming my spirit, I have tried to think about how healthy I will be again once this is all over and my kidney actually works, and I have played out in my head all the positives about this procedure; yet, I am still afraid.  Bottom line…I am more scared about this than I have been about anything in my entire life, I don’t know why, but I do know that I don’t like it. 

Why am I telling you all of this?!  Well, a couple of reasons: 1) I really need your prayers!  2) To let you know that if you are facing something that has you afraid…it is normal and you are not alone!

The Word says “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  How can I not take comfort in that?!  God says, “NEVER”, that means He will ALWAYS be there to comfort us when we are scared beyond words.  It means that He is holding us in the palm of His hands…the same hands that are big enough to hold the world, let alone the same hands that formed the very world we live in!  Does that mean I am any less afraid?!  Absolutely not!  I am still afraid and I believe God knows that; that is why He places scripture on my heart and friends to talk to when I need it most! 

Since we just finished with Easter, this all kind of made me think about Jesus on the cross.  God’s Son was sent to Earth for the purpose of dying on a cross…I can only imagine that Jesus was scared.  It even says in the Word that He was so upset that He sweat blood…THAT is pretty scared!  Thinking of this helps me to know that I am in good company!  Jesus was probably very afraid of what was about to happen, just like I am very afraid.  What strikes me about this though is that He knew that He would die and that He would be in paradise with His Father.  I believe, with every ounce of who I am, that I will be ok and will come through this surgery better than ever, but let’s suppose for one second that I didn’t.  What do I really have to fear?  I will be in paradise with my Father!  As I am writing this, something else just hit me…hold on because this is powerful…..God already has a plan for Felicity and for Dale!  He already has what will happen in their future very carefully orchestrated.  This plan will happen whether I am here or not; it isn’t my plan…it’s GOD’S!  I do not have to be on this Earth for God’s plan to unfold…it will happen with or without me!  Just like the plan for my life would unfold with or without the people in my life.  Just like God’s plan for salvation unfolded through Jesus, with or without the people in Jesus’ life!  God doesn’t NEED me in order to fulfill the plans and purposes for Felicity or Dale; He chooses to use me in the plans a purposes!

Wow, as I write this I have learned something and take something away that is so different than what I set out when I started.  This is definately taking a different turn and I believe that this is not just for me, but for someone out there that will read this; so please bear with me as I go on a different path for a minute!  I just love how God works!  God doesn’t NEED any of us to fulfill HIS plans and purposes in this world…He CHOOSES to use us to fulfill His plans and purposes! 

Basically, I believe that I will be ok through my surgery and I will be healthy and whole once again!  AND, Felicity and Dale will continue to fulfill what God intends for them whether I am down for a few days or not!  God will continue to use their lives whether I am down for a few days or not!  And it is ok if I am afraid; God created me so He isn’t surprised that I am having these human feelings of fear!

WOW…what a powerful revelation!  God chooses you and me to fulfill His plans and purposes; He doesn’t NEED us…He CHOOSES us! 

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, plans to bring you a hope and a future.”  That scripture says it all, “the plans I HAVE for you”.  Not the plans we have for ourselves…the plans HE has!  I know that what I was set on this Earth to accomplish isn’t done…so what do I have to be afraid of?  God chose ME to fulfill plans and purposes…He didn’t NEED me, He CHOSE me!

Lord, I am so afraid right now.  Please give me a peace to move forward in the plans that You have set before me.  I know that there is no obstacle set before me that I cannot face when You are orchestrating the plans and purposes!  You are a good God and I believe that you will protect me and my family as I go through this next little test of my faith!  I love you and thank you for CHOOSING me to be a part of the plans and purposes in this life!  I pray for those that read this blog.  I pray that whatever they are facing that has them afraid, that You would touch them and give them peace.  I know that You have chosen them for Your plans and purposes and that You can use them whether they are afraid, down for a few days or perfectly fine!  Thank you for choosing them to fulfill Your plans and purposes!

The Minivan Saga

Most of you know that I cannot stand to drive a minivan; I really can’t tell you what it is about them that I don’t like, I just know that I don’t like them.  On Saturday, my very stylish and beautiful Jeep died a very quick and painful death; I was then forced to lay it to rest and choose another vehicle.  Our awesome dealership worked with us, sold the Jeep to pay off our loan on it and had me go to the dealership yesterday to pick a new vehicle.  When I arrived, the owners son took me out on the lot and started telling me about this minivan; I cannot lie…I definitely tuned him out for most of it after he said “minivan”.  He told me that there was another Jeep on the lot, but it was 2 years older than the van, had more miles than the van and was more expensive than the van.  I kept thinking “let me see the Jeep first”, but what actually came out of my mouth was “sure, let’s look at the van”.  Chase then handed me the keys and told me to take it for a drive; the whole time I am thinking “Dear Lord, I cannot believe I am in a stinking minivan.  What the heck am I thinking?”  When I arrive back on the lot, Chase asked me what I thought and I told him I loved it…wait a second…what just came out of my mouth?!  I will admit it ran so smooth, it was big like my Jeep, it was pretty and it was very roomy inside; I just still couldn’t get past the fact that it is a minivan.  I went inside the dealership to sign papers and get stuff out of my Jeep to put into the van; the whole time I was in disbelief that I was about to drive home in a minivan…my minivan.  As texts poured in with people excited for me that I got a new vehicle I kept showering them with “but it’s a minivan”.  Then a couple of very wise friends pointed out that it is perfect for my business…think how many cakes I can deliver in that!  Felicity pointed out that we could take friends places and ride in comfort on trips!  Then I sort of started to view that van a bit differently, I started to envision my business and that van with a sign on the door with my business name on it and I began to get excited about the van.  Then last night, as I was going to sleep I felt a real conviction in my spirit.  I felt like the Holy Spirit was saying “Didn’t you ask me for a new vehicle?  Didn’t you say you needed something to drive?  Didn’t I open up doors for you to have a new vehicle?  Don’t you have a nice, new vehicle in your garage?”  Truth is…that’s right!  I asked for a new vehicle and I got one; I didn’t specify what I wanted except that it run and be bigger than a car and that is exactly what I got.

Yes, there is a lesson in this and no, it isn’t “be careful what you ask for”!  The lesson is: God ALWAYS has a plan!  Often times it isn’t what WE had planned, but it is always better than what we had planned.  I can see all the great things I can do with that van that would be more difficult in a Jeep.  God orchestrates things in our lives to be bigger and better than we can imagine!  You see, I had been talking about all these great plans for my business and that I knew it is what God wants for me, but never once did I think about how I would make deliveries for my business!  Guess what?!  God did!  God thought through EVERYTHING I would need for my dream to come true and HE made a plan for every detail…even the one’s I didn’t think of!

So, I still really don’t care much for minivans, but I am so very thankful that I have one and I can see all of the possibilities with mine…just because God saw the whole picture and didn’t listen to my rant about a minivan!  I have to think that He is up there smiling and as I was telling Him how much I didn’t want a minivan that He is saying “Would you just hush and give Me a second…I got this covered!” 

How often do we tell God what we want and when it doesn’t happen how WE have planned we get upset; in reality, God sees the ENTIRE picture that we can’t see and so He delivers in HIS time within HIS will exactly what we need for the bigger picture!  Man oh man…isn’t God so very, very good?!

Agree to Disagree?!

Wow!  It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog.  I have had so very many things on my heart and I was struggling to put them all into words, so I opted to just say nothing.  So, today I will just write and see what comes out!

We have all heard the saying, “We will just have to agree to disagree.”  This saying covers a myriad of things and is often a statement to end an argument or discussion that one sees is going nowhere.  This week I used that statement and for the first time it actually stung.  When I said it, I felt like it was ending a relationship rather than simply ending an argument.  So what then do we do after this statement is uttered?  For my personal situation, I know the topic that prompted that statement needs to be discussed, but I also know that no matter when, where or how it happens it will end pretty much the same way.  So, what then do I do?!  I uttered this statement because I know that I had very valid points in the argument…some points that I didn’t utter simply because I never want anything I do out of the goodness of my heart to ever be held over a person’s head.  I also know that this other individual made very valid points, although I personally feel like some of them are being held over my head.  I know that every time the topic is discussed it ends exactly the same…this person feels they are being wronged and I feel like this person doesn’t understand my perspective.   So, how long do we agree to disagree?!

The best response to all of these questions that I can come up with is…why does it even matter?!  In my points, to me I will always be right and to the other person I will always be wrong and visa versa.  I think that at some point we both just have to decide for ourselves what is more important…the argument and being right or the relationship.  For me, I know how I feel and this person has made it very clear how they feel and I know that neither one of us will budge from our views.  I have to decide…is the argument more important or is the relationship.  I personally choose the relationship.  The ONLY way I could ever win the argument is to hold things over the person’s head and I decided long ago that I would never be that kind of person, so I basically could never “win” the argument.  And realistically, winning the argument would most likely cost me my dearest friend. 

So what, then, about the other person involved?!  Well, I cannot choose for this person how they will respond.  I can only pray that our relationship is far more valuable to them than being right in an argument and that the only true “win” is to just move on and value each other the most.

I don’t know if this has helped anyone, if it did then I am pleased and if not, I at least shared my feelings and feel pretty darn good about my choice!

My only thought to each of you is this:  before you “agree to disagree” think about what you can gain and what you can lose by agreeing to disagree.  Is it really worth it to you?  Is being right more important to you or is the relationship your priority?

This decision doesn’t solve the overall issue, nor does it make me feel good about things that this other person said, but it does absolutely make me feel good that I chose to be a friend over being right.  That makes me neither right nor wrong…it makes me a friend first and everything else in that relationship is second! 

What are you priorities in relationships?  Would you rather be right or can you set some things aside for the sake of a valued relationship?