Agree to Disagree?!

Wow!  It has been a long time since I last wrote a blog.  I have had so very many things on my heart and I was struggling to put them all into words, so I opted to just say nothing.  So, today I will just write and see what comes out!

We have all heard the saying, “We will just have to agree to disagree.”  This saying covers a myriad of things and is often a statement to end an argument or discussion that one sees is going nowhere.  This week I used that statement and for the first time it actually stung.  When I said it, I felt like it was ending a relationship rather than simply ending an argument.  So what then do we do after this statement is uttered?  For my personal situation, I know the topic that prompted that statement needs to be discussed, but I also know that no matter when, where or how it happens it will end pretty much the same way.  So, what then do I do?!  I uttered this statement because I know that I had very valid points in the argument…some points that I didn’t utter simply because I never want anything I do out of the goodness of my heart to ever be held over a person’s head.  I also know that this other individual made very valid points, although I personally feel like some of them are being held over my head.  I know that every time the topic is discussed it ends exactly the same…this person feels they are being wronged and I feel like this person doesn’t understand my perspective.   So, how long do we agree to disagree?!

The best response to all of these questions that I can come up with is…why does it even matter?!  In my points, to me I will always be right and to the other person I will always be wrong and visa versa.  I think that at some point we both just have to decide for ourselves what is more important…the argument and being right or the relationship.  For me, I know how I feel and this person has made it very clear how they feel and I know that neither one of us will budge from our views.  I have to decide…is the argument more important or is the relationship.  I personally choose the relationship.  The ONLY way I could ever win the argument is to hold things over the person’s head and I decided long ago that I would never be that kind of person, so I basically could never “win” the argument.  And realistically, winning the argument would most likely cost me my dearest friend. 

So what, then, about the other person involved?!  Well, I cannot choose for this person how they will respond.  I can only pray that our relationship is far more valuable to them than being right in an argument and that the only true “win” is to just move on and value each other the most.

I don’t know if this has helped anyone, if it did then I am pleased and if not, I at least shared my feelings and feel pretty darn good about my choice!

My only thought to each of you is this:  before you “agree to disagree” think about what you can gain and what you can lose by agreeing to disagree.  Is it really worth it to you?  Is being right more important to you or is the relationship your priority?

This decision doesn’t solve the overall issue, nor does it make me feel good about things that this other person said, but it does absolutely make me feel good that I chose to be a friend over being right.  That makes me neither right nor wrong…it makes me a friend first and everything else in that relationship is second! 

What are you priorities in relationships?  Would you rather be right or can you set some things aside for the sake of a valued relationship?