Have you ever had a situation where you asked a few very trusted friends for their advice and opinions? Did you totally agree with what they said? Did you choose your actions based on their opinions? Did you feel like you had to act based on their opinions because you had asked their advice and felt obligated to use their advice? You don’t have to, you know?!
Recently there was a situation that I was going through; I was unsure of what steps I needed to take or even wanted to take. My head was a clouded mess and I just couldn’t figure out which way was up anymore. I talked to a couple of very trusted friends and they both gave me their opinions on how I should handle the situation; some of the things they said were the same and some things were vastly different. So then, I had to wade through which information I needed to hold onto and which information I should shove out the door. Both of these individuals are Godly women who I know that I can trust to give me solid, Biblically based advice; I know that they both hear from God and would never intentionally lead me off track. However, some of the advice from one of those friends didn’t set really well inside of me; it made me feel like I would be a hypocrite and not be true to who God created me, personally, to be. At first, I felt like I had to go with each friend’s advice because, after all, I was the one who asked for it; then I got convicted that I didn’t have to listen to either friend’s advice if I didn’t want to. What I needed to do was to sort through the advice and the stuff in my brain, in my Word and in my heart and listen to what God was trying to speak to me through all the information. After I did that, I realized that there were things that both friends told me that were exactly what I needed to hear, but both friends also gave advice that I didn’t need to listen to; I was able to use parts of what each one said!
Often when we ask for someone’s advice or opinion we feel like we have to do exactly what that person said or else we just wasted their time. After all, if someone asked me what I thought and I took time to “guide” someone, I would want them to listen to my advice and do what I said. Unfortunately, that isn’t what God wants us to do! God puts people in our lives that can teach us lessons, show us a different perspective or view and even show us things in the Word that maybe we never saw before. BUT, He also gave us a brain and a heart to use and ears to ultimately listen to what GOD is telling us to do.
So, I took the bits and pieces from each friend and took what God was saying to me and formed them all into a plan that I believe God will be proud of. If I don’t use all the information or advice that each friend gave, will one of them be offended?! Perhaps, but that isn’t something that needs to rest on my shoulders. What I have to know in my heart is that I am doing what GOD wants me to do and if the other people are truly the Godly friends that I believe they are, then they will understand that decision.
What I learned through this is that I had to give myself permission to choose what advice I would follow; I had to give myself permission to not do something just because I believe the person giving advice is one of the Godliest people I know. I had to give myself permission to trust that God speaks to me too and I can act out according to what God says, even if it means I ignore every piece of advice from my friends. If I am wrong in my decision, God will deal with me; it isn’t the friends place to deal with me! So, here I sit, moving ahead with the plan that I believe God has in store for this situation. I am happier than I believe I would have been had I heeded all of the advice from my friends. They are still amazing friends and incredibly Godly women who give amazing advice, but I had to give myself permission to believe that they don’t necessarily have all the answers and ultimately I have to do listen to the best advice…God’s! Trust that God speaks to you too and that He will guide you the right direction; it may mean that you listen to advice from others, but ultimately, you have to do what God is leading you to do!
I tell my daughters I can give them my opinions and experiences, but not to take that as instruction. I am never offended if they do a better job than I did...I am just honored they consider my input in making their choices. Same with friends...I'll share my thoughts, but support different choices.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, we make our decisions in faith...and are personally accountable.
Exactly, Kim. I, too, feel honored when people ask for my advice or opinion. I really don't expect them to use it, but again, feel honored if they do. Sometimes I struggle with the thought of "do I really believe that for myself or because that person said it and I so value their opinion?" I had to realize that just because I don't use someone's advice doesn't mean that I didn't value their opinion, it just means that it wasn't right for me.
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